A lot of the same name

Out of boredom I googled the name of this blog, and holy crap did a lot of blogs come up. Either it's a reference to something, or maybe I'm not as original as I thought I was. I consider myself creative and a nonconformist, so that's unfortunate. I also feel weird that people are actually reading my posts. Its like when random people follow me on Google+ even though I don't post videos or anything. Its really confusing.

Public or Private

Something very strange happened as I was publishing the first post. I was asked If I wanted to make it private or public. The obvious answer would be to make it private-nobody would ever want to read these posts, it would just waste their time. However, I still want something of my life, some remnant of a poor, wasted existence, to be remembered. That sounds pathetic. I hope I'll visit this a decade or two later. I hope he is well known, happy and successful. Alright, I should try to swim out of the cesspool of self-pity I just made. Sorry.

Test #1

If this post is uploaded right, then this is my first post of... a few I suppose. If not, then I just wasted my time. Something I'm used to. To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm writing this at all. I shouldn't even be here, I don't deserve it. I guess English class is to blame. After all the existentialism talks, I've been thinking a lot about death. It isn't easy. Thinking about the void swallowing me up, nobody remembering me, nothing for eternity, it makes me scared and lonely. I want to write this so I can look at myself to better to see who I really am. Right now, I am nothing. Not many people notice me. Worst case scenario, they notice me and pity me. I don't want pity. I want to make my parents, my grandparents, my friends and teachers proud to know me. But my life has always been to watch my friends succeed. I once saw a motivational picture-thing that said, "Remember that guy that gave up? Neither does anyone else." I'm trying to think of some edge I have, some wisdom I can share if not bestow about anything. But there is nothing. I can't fail. I won't be forgotten, my entire existence shown on a rock or in a number on a sheet of paper. But at this point what can I do.